When a friend group of Mormon mothers-turned-TikTok influencers blew up on TikTok, the drama at the center was a rumor that each of the mothers (and their partners) participated in soft swinging — essentially attending parties and swapping partners with each other. Led by TikTok star Taylor Frankie Paul, the rumor went from a disjointed confession on TikTok Live to national headlines, putting each mom in the spotlight. Now, almost two years later, the #MomTok swingers are back again with a Hulu reality television show putting the swinging rumors on full, high-def display. But in the swinging community, where sharing partners at events isn’t a scandal but a committed lifestyle, several creators tell Rolling Stone they’re pretty tired of being the butt of the joke. “There was deceit. There were no clear boundaries, no clear rules. They were just flying by the seat of their pants,” says one, of the scandal that broke last year. “And it kind of all blew up in their faces.”
The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, Hulu’s latest reality show following the stars of #MomTok, picks up almost directly where the online drama took off, explaining to viewers how the mom-themed content house got started. The drama first went viral in 2022 after Paul announced that she would be separating from her husband. After publicly stating the two would be co-parenting, Paul told her followers in a now-infamous TikTok Live that behind the picture-perfect content house was a secret swinging friend group, one that had destroyed her marriage. “No one is innocent,” Paul said. “Everyone has hooked up with everyone.”
According to the posts, no one was allowed to go all the way unless both spouses were in the room, but Paul claimed her divorce stemmed specifically from her breaking those swinging rules with a friend’s husband. Starring Paul and a host of other Mormon wives, the show gets into the women’s struggles with motherhood, relationships, and the church (all set to a blaring back track of religious-themed pop music. Words like “sinner” or “unholy” are frequent regulars.) But while swinging is the topic on everyone’s lips, what become quickly apparent is that it wasn’t everyone’s extracurricular — at least not to the level that Paul originally implied.
Like many relationship dynamics, swinging is often discussed in online spaces like Reddit and TikTok. Unlike strict non-monogamy or polyamory, swinging is often a couple-related dynamic, meaning partners share partners together. But when the #MomTok swinging scandal first became national news, swinging couple Lacy and Dan M. tell Rolling Stone they were already frustrated to have their lifestyle depicted in such a negative light, especially since they already feel stigmatized and misunderstood.
“If you ever see a TV show about swinging, if you ever hear stories about it, even when we’ve been contacted many times from reality shows, they always want to focus on the negative,” Lacy says. “And I think that’s exactly what the #MomTok scandal is. It’s the downside of swinging and if you’re not educated and you haven’t done the research, how it could go badly, very, very quick. And I just think that’s a story that people just love to jump on.”
Dan notes that the drama behind the #MomTok swinging scandal — specifically Paul saying she ignored the rules she and her husband had established — plays into the narrative that swingers are promiscuous cheaters who ignore rules and people’s personal boundaries. Just like being in a polycule involves a lifetime of house meetings and check-ins, couples who follow proper swinging etiquette really prioritize consent and ground rules.
“Just like monogamy, you still have to get to know people and feel comfortable with them,” Dan says. “What are you guys into? What are your rules? What are your boundaries? And I don’t think people get that. They just think it’s a big free-for-all sex party.”
According to Candice C. & Eric Z., another swinging couple that shares educational videos about the lifestyle on TikTok, there’s a plethora of stigma that exists about swingers already. People assume swinging couples are dirty, have STDs, are sex-obsessed, are on a starting track to divorce, and are lying in wait to steal unsuspecting spouses from people. The couple says while there are bad actors in every community, the large percentage of swingers and swinging groups they know are extremely intentional about creating safe reputations — something that shows like Mormon Wives could unintentionally derail.
“Swingers are big on protection and consent and STD testing. People take it seriously,” says Candice. “So to see it portrayed in a scandalous way is a bit upsetting. To us, that’s not what this lifestyle is supposed to be about. Swinging is professionals, adults, all consensual, and all on the same page. So every time I see the [#MomTok swingers], it irks me.”
For Eric, that annoyance rings true as well. “They don’t know what they’re really talking about. This isn’t really what the lifestyle is, so all it’s going to do is feed into the stigma of what they kind of think this lifestyle is, and we don’t want to be wrapped in with this,” Eric adds. “Because people in this lifestyle will call it out right away, laugh about it, and push it aside. It’s more the people that are at home, bored at night, looking for a TV show. They end up watching this. And then, of course, they see the stigma side of it, the fake side of it, the cheating, and think that’s what it is.”
All of the swingers who spoke to Rolling Stone emphasize that while they can’t do anything about misconceptions that the Mormon Wives show might perpetuate, they’re focused on dispelling and demystifying swinging for people who might be interested in the lifestyle. And even if the #MomTok creators aren’t telling the truth, or were dedicated or even one-time swingers, the problem isn’t that they potentially all hooked up — the problem is that rules were potentially crossed.
“[Cheating] can happen,” Lacy says. “But if you do the research, and take the time to educate yourself, you can [swing] in a better way and maybe actually learn something about yourself.”