This one cuts deep.
Jelly Roll released his new album Beautifully Broken last week, which is looking at a #1 debut on the Billboard 200 Albums chart. He recently sat down with Kelleigh Bannen for an episode of Today’s Country Radio on Apple Music Country to talk about the new music.
And one of the standouts on the tracklist, the heartbreaking song that was featured on the deluxe edition Pickin’ Up The Pieces called “Past Yesterday” came up, which Jelly was honest about in saying it was inspired by his wife, Bunnie XO. You probably know her from her Dumb Blonde podcast, and she’s spoken openly many times about her time working in the sex industry as a high-end escort in Las Vegas.
But what she’s understandably never opened up about before is her traumatic, horrific (I could go on with adjectives of how awful and disgusting what happened to her is) experience being sexually assaulted as a young girl, which is the story of the song.
Written by Jason DeFord (Jelly), Holly Hafermann, Blake Pendergrass, Jessie Jo Dillon & Jesse Frasure, “Past Yesterday” features guest vocals from Skylar Grey, who wrote the perspective of the girl who is the victim as Jelly narrates what happened from an outside perspective.
Before the song came out, Bunnie shared a teaser of it on TikTok saying she “cries every time” she hears it:
“This song makes me cry every time I hear it. If you’re a survivor – IT WAS WRITTEN FOR YOU.”
@xomgitsbunnie This song makes me cry everytime I hear it. If you’re a survivor – IT WAS WRITTEN FOR YOU. Its called “Past Yesterday” & it drops on his new album 10/11 🤍💫 #jellyroll #jellyandbunnie ♬ Past Yesterday – Jelly Roll & Skylar Grey
And Jelly told Kelleigh a lot about the background of it and how it came to be:
“Songs like ‘Past Yesterday’ are even deeper than drug addiction… I think about the few women I’ve met who are workaholics, who’ve never touched a drug, but because what they went through as a child, it molded them into this way… this song gives them a moment to deal with that again… For these ladies who never touched a drug but they felt the pain of being abused identify with the song.
I’ve never talked about this, but I had this idea called ‘All Your Angels,’ which ended up being the bridge of the song… This song has a story, every song has a story, but this one really has a story. This was the story that this song haunted me.
I had the idea forever, and I couldn’t find the right room to write it because I was like, ‘This needs real time and attention and I need the right people in the room.’ And we had a writers camp and I went downstairs and Jessie Jo Dillon was at the writers camp… And Jesse Frazier’s in there who is… Keep in mind me, Jesse and Jessie wrote ‘Halfway to Hell.’
When we get in the room together, we expect a little magic. And [Blake] Pendergrass was in there, and I was like, ‘Here’s my idea.’ And I throw it out there and we start noodling around. And I was like, ‘I want it to start darker.’
He explained that he spent a long time trying to get it right and just couldn’t do it. And then, with 2 weeks before the release of the album, he couldn’t sleep knowing that the song wasn’t done and wasn’t going to make the album. He texted Skylar Grey the incomplete song, thinking it needed a woman’s voice, and then… they nailed it. He says the song makes his wife cry, and she now has been empowered to speak publicly for the first time about the trauma she went through as a young girl, and even as a sex worker as an adult:
“Every time I play it for my wife she cries, my wife does not voluntarily listen to my music, that’s the truth. She likes my music but she’s just not a fan, I swear…. she knows the music, but Bunnie loves rock and roll, she loves up-tempo, screamo, emo music… she knew 4 country songs when I met her… I’m joking.”
He went on to say that the song was partly inspired by Jason Michael Carroll’s “Alyssa Lies,” one of the saddest, most gut-wrenching country songs ever recorded, but that the story is his wife’s, in addition to a number of women around the world:
“My wife, she never has talked about it publicly and she is now a little bit because of the song, but I knew that that was my wife’s story, and I’ve heard so many girls in my meet and greet lines that have the same story. I know so many women whose story was somehow truly affected, especially women that come from sex industry work… I always felt the need to tell it but I didn’t know how.”
Jelly says the unexpected reward of putting out this song men have identified with it too, which is really important especially considering this isn’t a topic most people would want to cover in any genre, but especially country:
“These women strong enough to name their accusers… you know what’s been really eye-opening for me too? And not that I did not mean to represent them properly, and I’m glad they’re identifying with it, is how many men have been brave enough to tell their stories.
Dude. I’m like, whoa, the amount of men I’ve seen who have stood up to go, ‘Hey, man, I’ve never really talked about this, but I was touched whenever I was a child.’ Do you know what I mean? It’s been overwhelming the response.”
The lyrics are incredibly raw and striking:
“Young enough for princess posters
Suddenly, she’s lifetimes older
He stole the innocence from her
Before she knew the meaning of the word
Hours in the shower steam
Still never felt clean
As she curls into a ball
Some things you can’t wash off”
Skylar comes in with the woman’s first-hand perspective throughout the song, saying simply:
“Don’t judge me if I get too high tonight
My journey isn’t yours, it’s only mine
The damage has been done, so this, I pray
God, give me the strength to get myself past yesterday”
It’s a very sad song, but sadly all too real for so many women and men who have probably never heard their tragic story in a song like this before.
While no one ever wants to have to address these unspeakable acts, I imagine it’s very validating to survivors and people who have been through it, and brings a whole new level of understanding to people who know them or have supported them through anything remotely like what Jelly describes in the song.
Good for him for speaking out about it in such a tasteful, important way, and for Bunnie to allow her story to be told. You can listen to the full song below, but be prepared to feel sad for the rest of the day after:
“Past Yesterday”