Ten years ago, Scottish producer and DJ Hudson Mohawke was a major influence in “wonky” electronic music, a subgenre full of disjointed and unexpected beats. But he couldn’t have known, when he released his 2011 album Satin Panthers, that he’d one day wield far greater influence over a young man’s love life.
“My girlfriend of two years told me the music that I play during sex is weird and a major turn off,” redditor u/TylerLife wrote last week on the “Today I Fucked Up” subreddit. He’d curated a playlist to help with his rhythm in the bedroom and included the Hudson Mohawke track “Cbat” — which happened to be his favorite in the rotation. When his partner finally revealed that she disliked it, he felt embarrassed and betrayed. Ever since, he said, sex had been awkward. “The other day we were having sex with no music but I was still thrusting to the tune playing in my head,” he wrote. “She recognized this and asked me to stop.”
“I usually bust to this song and find it devastating she hates the song,” he then admitted to the entire internet. Naturally, people were curious to hear it for themselves. No description compares to the vibe, but imagine the clarinet player in your middle school orchestra trying to lay some funk on their big solo.
The post blew up on Reddit before spreading to Twitter and TikTok, because the idea of regularly having sex to “Cbat” was horrifying to just about anyone with genitals and/OR ears. Tyler had fucked up indeed, perhaps even more than he knew. Soon, hundreds of thousands of people had learned of his romantic woes and enjoyed a laugh at his expense — including Hudson Mohawke himself, who began retweeting memes and clips of people reacting to the story. He also edited his Twitter bio to recommend a different album (“Cry Sugar is better for sex”) and reuploaded “Cbat” on YouTube with the description “stroke game,” followed by the dolphin emoji, a reference to one listener noting that the song’s synthesizers sound like “robot dolphins.” The comment section is full of similar jokes.
This virality brought further consequences, according to Tyler, who a couple days later wrote that the whole thing had gotten back to his girlfriend, and they’d broken up as a result. He regretted not using “an anonymous name instead of my real name and our real ages” but defended “Cbat,” remarking that “not all can handle” that kind of sonic experimentation and he understands it’s “different.”
Some doubted the entire saga, particularly when Tyler said that he had burned the sex playlist onto a CD, an anachronistic choice in the age of streaming. Other elements of his digital footprint, like an purported video of himself demonstrating how to thrust to “Cbat” shared on a TikTok account that has since been deleted, suggest he may have been telling the truth. We can say for certain that he shared an entire sex playlist on YouTube (Usher, Kanye West, Shaggy, and Flosstradamus appear in the lineup before the Hudson Mohawke finale) and a meme about fucking to it on his Instagram account.
Whatever happened in this guy’s relationship — if he really had one — his version of events has swiftly transformed into canonical web lore. It meanwhile pushed “Cbat” to the top of Spotify and iTunes charts, prompting the question of whether Hudson Mohawke had written the original TIFU confession in order to promote his music. “Wish I was that smart hahaaaa,” he replied on Twitter. In an interview, he clarified that it’s not a song he’d put on a sex playlist himself. Elsewhere, EDM producer Ray Volpe has sampled it, and the popular gimmick account There I Ruined It mashed “Cbat” up with George Michael’s “Careless Whisper.”
Strangest of all, though, r/TylerLife, a subreddit created seemingly for discussion of Tyler’s bizarre plight and continued Mohawke fandom, has attracted nearly 2,000 subscribers in two days. A handful of users are claiming to have tried the “Cbat” method between the sheets. One wrote: “me and my bf tried it. i wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy. 2/10,” adding that “it turned me into a sahara desert so fast.” Another posted: “Going to be trying the CBAT method tonight, need help. Do you guys prefer to go by the main melody, or by the drum beat?”
Clearly, we’ve crossed a point of no return. Choices were made, and they led us to a world in which “Cbat” is a de facto sex jam, something you’ll never hear again without picturing a truly bizarre form of copulation. An adventurous couple may be attempting it at this very moment. And despite Tyler’s misfortune, you might say he’s lucky. Whenever the next girlfriend comes along, he won’t have to wonder if they’re a good match. He just has to play Hudson Mohawke and ask her honest opinion of it.