A little over six months ago, Gwyneth Paltrow — an actress who has won an Oscar, a Golden Globe, and an Emmy (an EGGO?) — won one whole dollar in a civil suit against a retired optometrist who collided with her while skiing. The prize was the result of a surreal two-week trial that stopped just short of a cause célèbre due to the meme-ably absurd nature of how it unfolded. Now, all of the proceedings’ head-scratching moments (like when Paltrow joked with opposing counsel that she’s shrinking and all that Taylor Swift talk) will be dramatized in a new musical, Gwyneth Goes Skiing, according to Variety.
The satire, which comes from Awkward Productions — the same people who are staging Diana: The Untold & Untrue Story — will open at London’s Pleasance Theatre on Dec. 13. It will run for 10 days, and audience members will be allowed to sit on the “jury.”
Linus Karp, who’s currently playing Princess Diana, will portray Paltrow, while actor Joseph Martin will play optometrist Terry Sanderson. Singer-songwriter Leland, who wrote Kardashian: The Musical and composes music for RuPaul’s Drag Race, is writing music for the Gwyneth Goes Skiing.
“She’s the Goop-founding, door-sliding, Shakespeare-in-loving, consciously-uncoupling Hollywood superstar,” Awkward Productions’ logline goes. “He’s a retired optometrist from Utah. In 2016, they went skiing. On the slopes of Deer Valley [Utah], their worlds collided, and so did they – literally. Ouch. Seven years later in 2023, they went to court. Double ouch. This is their story. Kind of. Not really. But also, it’s at Christmas.”
After the collision, Sanderson sued Paltrow for $3.1 million, alleging she was at fault for a concussion, broken ribs, and a traumatic brain injury. He later reduced the amount he was seeking to $300,000. Paltrow, who claimed Sanderson was at fault — and even screamed at him in court, “You skied directly into my effing back” — countersued for a buck plus attorney fees. It wasn’t much to ask, considering she testified she “lost half a ski day” because of the crash.
Jurors decided Sanderson was “100 percent” at fault. “I wish you well,” Paltrow whispered to Sanderson when it was done.